im waiting

im waiting for the snow to wipe out your memory

i anxiously await the day when your laugh stops echoing in my mind

and i forget how you smiled at me so lovingly.

im waiting for the wind to blow our memories away

so i dont have to compare other kisses to yours

and so i dont hear the way you murmured "i love you" in every breeze.

im waiting for the sun to shine so brightly i no longer see you

and your brown curls that i used to run my hands through

or feel the way you held me when i sobbed into your arms.

im waiting for the day when i go to bed without imagining how it feels to have you next to me

or what our kids were going to look like...how we both thought they would have "good hair".

im waiting for the day i stop seeing your face in everything i do,

and remembering the way you smelled when you hugged me tightly.

im waiting for the flowers to bloom again,

so that i wont see the chocolate brown of your eyes everywhere i turn.

im waiting for the birds to sing from all the trees

i am impatient for the day that i will finally be able to listen to that love song again,

without remembering how i would lean against your chest when it played.

im waiting for the day that i stop wishing you hadnt said what you said.

im waiting for the seasons to pass me over, one at a time, until i feel nothing when i hear your name.

im waiting for the day when i can see your face and not wish it was still mine.

im waiting for the fall leaves to bury the beautiful spark we once had,

and the way everyone called us "the perfect couple".

im waiting for the day when i realize i have forgotten our special handshake,

and it doesnt pain me to see you laughing and being fine without me.

im waiting for the day when i wont remember your voice when you are sleepy,

and the way you would look at me and call me your "little lady".

im waiting for the winter to freeze up all my memories of you,

so that when spring comes, it can melt and i never have to remember again.

i never have to wonder why i wasnt enough for you

i never have to remember how cold you were to me.

i never have to remember how you called me perfect.

i never have to remember the way you would say "im counting down the days to marry you."

i never have to regret giving you my everything.

because, dang it, i thought you were the one. i really did.

in fact, everyone did.

but now im waiting for the snow to wipe out your memory,

and pierce my heart so deeply, i become numb to you.

just like you became numb to me.

i still wanted us

xx, seiji