11:26 p.m
12.30.2017
11:36 p.m
seiji
it was simple. i wanted to hug you. i wanted to feel your warm palm on mine. so silly, so young, so starry-eyed, so in need of comfort.
i didnt know it was anything, really. i thought i would get over you in time. i thought she was perfect for you and i wasnt. i was goofy and clumsy and nothing compared to her. and i knew you liked her and she liked you. but i wanted to hug you. so badly. i wanted you to tell me i looked pretty and i wanted you to hold my hand.
i guess that wasnt it. i felt more than that. i started craving to know your thoughts, your emotions, your preferences. i started putting time into how i looked when i knew i was going to be around you. i started looking deeper into your eyes when you casually chatted with me. i started kicking myself and telling myself to stop because it wasnt going to happen. you seemed happy with her. why should i mess that up? if i really loved you then why take your happiness away? it made no sense. so i tried to stop, believe me when i say that. but how could i stop my flood of emotions from spilling over? how could i look at you and tell myself you werent what i wanted? impossible.....but here we are.
now i have you and i dont know what to do. its a dream. we can chat about everything, i can stay up and talk about whatever you want. all that matters is that you are mine now. tell me everything, dont hold back. we can sit and i can watch your lips form words in the dark shadows and you can stroke the back of my hand with your thumb and you can tell me your phobias. what do you like for breakfast? what are your pet peeves? do you like snakes? spill tiny secrets only i will know and i will drink them up. it will be beautiful. i will know you and everything about you. i want your past, present, future. i want to be your future. i want to feel your arms around me and i want to feel your cheek resting in my hair and i want to hear your heartbeat under my ear. how does your hair look in the morning? where do you go for comfort? how can i be a part of it all?
but its so funny, at first i just wanted to hug you. i wanted to feel your warm palm on mine.
xx, seiji