staircase

little by little i descend

hating myself more with every step

i am going down again, after i promised i wouldnt.

my feet take me where i do not want,

they lead me to places of darkness and doubt,

fear and anxiety.

i look down the spiraling staircase of darkness i am treading

i want to run away, but no.

my feet take me further and further,

even deeper than last time.

when i come up for breath..will i be able to see?

will my journeys change me in any way?

or will i continue on my descent of shadows?

when i make it farther than i ever have, i almost cry.

its all the same, the tears, the unwanted thoughts, the intense anxiety.

i told myself i wouldnt come back, i told myself i could stay afloat.

but here i am, back in the dark. it is choking me.

but after a while maybe i can make it back to the top.

until then, darkness consumes me.

and its becoming my only companion.

seiji

#me #musings #poems #writings