random rambles // growing in Christ's likeness
another random rambles, correct. but ive learned so much and God has given me so much to ramble about so here we are:
firstly, pursue Jesus more than anything. we can get so anxious and antsy when we arent in a situation we want. we cant control the future, we cant control how other people feel about us, we cant control who comes into our lives, who hurts us, who helps us. we are utterly clueless. we dont know who will love us, who will cause tension, who will hate us, or who will be in our lives for a long time. so, all these things got me thinking: isn't that depressing? how we have no option other than to probably get hurt? the only reason this isn't so sad is because we DO have a choice. we can control how we act, how we feel about people, how we show love and care and spread joy all around. we cant control other people, but we can control how we invest in becoming the person God designed us to be. we get so freaking caught up in trying to find the right people that we overlook what we need to work on in ourselves.
submitting to God has never been harder than it has this past month. because love is a complex, terrifying emotion. it changes a person to be truly in love. im also kicking myself because i wouldn't be so hurt if i hadn't fallen in love so hard. but i cant go back now, the damage is done. giving up the person i love to God was difficult, but i realized that i cant do a better job of changing how someone feels about me than God can. ive learned this month...that if i want to be with somebody, the answer is to move towards Jesus. if we submit to the process of surrendering, God will be responsible to the process of bringing. when we submit to God, He moves us towards the people He wants us to be around. we dont have to worry!!!! its a weight lifted off my shoulders. all i have to do is run to Jesus and He takes care of the rest. ive surrendered it all to Christ this month, its all i can do.
ive dealt with anger and confusion and downright heartbreak this month. ive dealt with depression and anxiety and have barely been able to eat and sleep this month. that is who i am this month. and God knows im struggling. He is holding my hand, guiding me, not expecting me to be fine. He just expects me to hold on and trust that He knows what He is doing. i feel broken, lied to, unwanted. i feel rejection and bitterness where i once felt love and acceptance. but guys. what would Jesus do?? i have really prayed about this; God, help me to look and act and feel more like your Son. and He revealed to me in scripture what i should do with my feelings right now:
- Jesus wouldn't hold grudges. when He forgives us, He does it wholeheartedly. He doesnt bring it up over and over again, trying to shame you for it. and He doesnt just forgive. He forgets. when we turn away from our sins and run to Jesus, He doesnt see our sin anymore. He sees His perfect white robe of righteousness. and when someone wrongs me, its so easy to say "yeah i forgive them, but i wont forget". but is that what Jesus does? no!!!! and its beautiful, how loving and compassionate and full of mercy He is towards us. we didnt deserve it. and i truly believe that if we want to call ourselves followers of Christ, there has to be true forgiveness and restoration. there cant be grudges being held onto. we have to surrender all to Him, and focus on pleasing Him, not ourselves. (also matthew says so clearly and beautifully: "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.")
- Jesus doesnt grow bitter towards us. Hebrews 12:15 says "see to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no 'root of bitterness' springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled."it doesnt say "dont be bitter just because." it tells us that when we grow bitter, we fail to obtain the grace of God!!! we are withholding the grace of God from ourselves when we choose to become bitter. and if we want to show grace to others, we need to receive it from God. so all in all, if we grow bitter, we fail to receive God's grace, therefore making it IMPOSSIBLE to show grace to others. this literally made me so happy when i read that. God shows us that He cares about us and how we treat other humans in that verse. ephesians 4:31-32: "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you."
- Jesus will never leave you or get angry or stop loving you for a mistake. its a comfort honestly. He stands beside me when i feel like im never going to be happy again. when i cry so much i feel like im going to throw up. and trust me, with my life, i cry a lot. we make mistakes daily, and He is compassionate enough to lead us back to Him, back to repentance. He doesnt stomp off and get angry when we mess up again. He knows we are weak, He knew that when we were created, and guess what? He still loved us so much He died for us. its mind boggling. just the mere thought makes me tear up. what kind of love is this?? its infinite, powerful, pure, and perfect. people leave you, people promise to always love you, always fight for you, always be there for you. and its a game of trust. its a game of heartbreak, and feeling like you werent enough. but you dont even have to doubt for a second that Jesus will always be right next to you. He sees the people lying to you, He sees the anger and bitterness, and He holds us close, promising that He will never leave or forsake us.